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[24 Aug 2005|04:12pm]
i'm up set that you would think it was about you.

the last post was something general. no about anyone our ag. let's just leave it at that.

i'm getting too old for this livejournal thing.
it was fun bu now.. deletion in tomorrow

if you really care enough about what is going on in my life every now and then i do a blog on myspace.

goodbye -emilie
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lyle said the greatest thing "you don't have to have the best of everything" [22 Aug 2005|01:37pm]
so i haven't updated in a while.

new news (lots of it):

- I have a puppy. his name is Mullen
like... Rodney Mullen the Mutt...the skateboarder

- I started classes today and walked the COMPLETTELY WRONG way to my first class
i've never been so lost.

- I'm getting better. better than before.

- I've stopped drinking so much. and so life is starting to turn right-side up

- The apartment is actually getting to a certain levle of clean. and not just
because Brian cleaned the counter tops but today i actually cracked down on the
crap that has been on the floor now since i moved in.

- My music is becoming my life! i've never been so excited about something before!
The other night at Main Street people actually cheered on to hear my offensive
song. few people can understand how euphoric that all felt.

- i have a new skanker doll and his name is Tim.

life is normal. life is fun. although most people suck and i'm realizing that the people that i thought were admirable and strong and miraculously beautiful are really just fake and petty, i'm meeting more and more people that are down to earth and may seem weak and may seem to be the most stereotypical lurkers in the world but they are the beautiful ones. these are the people i want to share the rest of my life with.
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[08 Aug 2005|12:38pm]
my luck I just found my internet card. taht is just messed up!

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i have your new body [05 Aug 2005|12:35pm]
[ mood | content ]

tonight was by far the greatest musical experience of my life! first Wizards and then...


i have never danced so much and not cared what people thought. i stamped out all the toxins in my body through my feet. I was freezing and this cold stream of ice flowed through my body but my outer skin was warm and kept the cold from billowing into my pours.

this is my new drug
this is my new sex
this is my new toxin

i will dance forever now and not care.

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August 10th at artmosphere Cigarrettes and Bartenders with me and ashley [02 Aug 2005|08:59pm]
[ mood | sick ]

still hate my job

my hair is still orange.

i've been really sick for about three weeks now. sick like last summer. this last three days the bed-riddenness of it has taken it's toll. so today i locked myself in the apartment and watched DVDs. and they really cheered me up. and in spired me to go bitch at the nurses at my doctor's office who had been shrugingin me off and putting me on hold all day. GRRRR made me mad!
then i ventured out into the real world and tryed to eat out with Gabie and her marvelous friend Jamie (to no avail)

then returned home to a movie and a surprise visit by CC.

other than that life could be better. and knowing that makes me look for details that i may have missed otherwise.

hopefully tommorow i can get enough streanghth to go for a walk and enjoy the sights of the park. i could go during dog walking time. I love it at that time!

time to shower.

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throw in the towel [26 Jul 2005|10:56pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

november 5th november 5th november 5th

that is all i have to remeber to keep me going at work from now on.

i hate my job. my boss is EVIL. and as soon as i am two weeks from turning 18 I QUIT! maybe even before then. i got my bar card so maybe i can get a better job before then.

i don't get paid enough to be verbally harassed for 6 and 1/2 hours four times a week.

so i refuse to dye my hair back to it's normal color! in fact last night i dyed it even MORE orange! HAHA! now it is more red than the last time but still orange none the less

UL orientation is a joke. i got my bag of crap, left and came back acting like i was there all day! tommorow though i acctually have to stay on campus because of the amount of stuff we have to do. i can't wait for school.

so tired.

so wish i didn't have to drive home

so need to get laptop fixed

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lame PR [24 Jul 2005|05:40pm]
[ mood | stopped up ]

at the rents house starting off some cloths and towls.

yay yay

the apartment thing is working out., come to fond out i can catch a signal there yet.. i do not know where my wireless card has gone *very large tear*

show this wedensday artmosphere

8:30Image hosted by Photobucket.com

come muthas!

so many things in the air. and i don't want any of them to come down and solidify into rain.

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for though thou waters warp [16 Jul 2005|09:11am]
things are changing. some good some bad.

my two bestfriends have moved away.

i have my own place.

i have a "date" which makes me gooey.

starting friday my hair will be lime green.

i've had this house to myself for a week now and have been able to live here alone without calling for help so this assures me that i can be in the apartment alone.

well have to leave in a few.

i miss stelly.
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[14 Jul 2005|05:31pm]
happy birthday seth!
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there's no place to hide but i don't think i'm scared [08 Jul 2005|01:15am]
[ mood | exhausted ]

i like to wear ski caps.

and i like to wear skarves with tank tops and long pants.

i felt like i should go home tonight. so i did. i still want to get some cold drink of some sort.

i found out today that i got a scolarship for around 2 thousand dollars.

in celebration i went and tried to dance at Tpys. chelly i missed you so much i could cry. Ryan and i aort of danced together. that was nice. but chelly... it just wasn't the same without you.

i want to play music. it is something i know i want to do for sure. i've been saying for years that it would never come to this. but I would die to be discovered or fufill the perdictions of those women that i would be HUGE in like Canada or something. i would love that more than anything

well sleep now i guess. because some stupid ass woke me up at 9:30 this morning. love you still.

off until 6:30 tomorrow someone should give me a call and have coffee with me.

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there could have been something i said last night [06 Jul 2005|12:45am]
tonight was one of those nights you didn't want to be alone and that a person wants to feel loved and not like they are being a burden or some annoyance.

it is frustrating when your bed seems foreign.

and you can't get words out

and all you want is for someone to pick up their phone and you begine to halucinate taht you hear the chimes of an incoming call and you still check even though you clearly don't see the lights that mean someone hasn't forgotten you exsist.

and that everything you do seems fake
a wax mask hidding true intentions

and you act happy and you smile and you laugh and you go out and try to find somethinig to fill a void.
but nothing exsists
nothing not even pittle-pattle of conversation. when all you want is for certain people to yell out and act on their true feelings that you aren't suppose to remeber or expect but you do.
and the only people that do that make you feel queezy and uncomfortable.

and let you cry into their arms even though there are no tears and even though it seems like you aren't crying for any real reason.

and in the end you have no one to hold you and be strong for you.
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i might want a dog [04 Jul 2005|01:56pm]
[ mood | tired ]

i think i want a dog.

something to stay with me in the apartment something to cuddle with me at night and keep me from getting lonely. but i want something small or something dosile. preferably both good personality is key. maybe i want a cat but cats can't take a run with you. preferably i want something that is free ie: i only have to pay for it's shots and stuff and not even that if i can help it. *sigh* i think i want a dog.
i'm jelouse of val's puppy and i don't have a dog i can take for a run (zoe def doesn't count)*sigh* i can't afford a dog right now i can't even really afford camp. but i think mom is going to slip some money behind papos back to help me pay for it i hope i hope i hope. it is either camp or no food for 3 months. *sad face* and i know the one i would pick would not involve food.

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home [03 Jul 2005|03:38pm]
so i'm home

and i'm happy about it.

my room is pretty packed up i guess. i'm anxious to get out of this house. but i'm scared at the same time. :going out on my own that is a crazy notion almost. something i've been wanting since i was 7 and ten years latter: here i am moving out.

i hate to come home and find that chelsea is gone. taht upsets me.
but it was very wonderful to see Brian last night.

last night i had dreams about eating meat and that i was eating it and i forgot i was a vegitarian and i started to get sick and every bite i took i was crying.

my dreams= REALLY strange ALWAYS

if only i didn't have a spare on my car i would go out and see all of you right now. but i am going to go pack some more if i can find the boxes to do so.

i'm off until wedensday night.
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San Mateo [27 Jun 2005|08:36pm]
i miss home ten days is too long away from lafayette.
honestly i really like my home town. i think right now i like anything to LA or San Fran.

so josh and i won't be able to meet up. he leaves for Paris tomorrow morning before i get to San Fran. *really sad face*

at least this hotel i'm staying in is nice. but i forget how lonely these family vacations can get when swimming in oceans and surfing and what not. you look around you and don;t have anyone to laugh or share it with. at least i'm having agood time with my brother and my dad. we laugh all the time that my ribs are hurting everytime i stop laughing.

there was a girl from louisiana atacked and killed by a shark here yesterday. FYI: everyone it wasn't me.

i just want to get home! but i think i have like four days left. at least i'm getting to catch up on A LOT of sleep. it seems that is all i am doing on this trip.

i've been doing some awesome writting though. this place does inspire the kind of dislike one needs to write well. what with all the fake people and fake lives.
the problem here is that the people try to make the things that are fake seem real. where as in new york they admite that everything is fake
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there will be a beach bar BQ tonight! [24 Jun 2005|06:10pm]
[ mood | sunburnt somwhat ]

so i'm sitting here in San Diego. and for all you kids that wonder WHy i am sitting at some computer right now it is because i am hanging out with my cussin and she is showing me SD from the veiw of a person my age. it seems that SD is EXSACTLY like lafayette. this means taht really there is nothing to do but go to shopping areas that you really don't like because the people are stupid, ritch and only good to make fun of or dislike. the only thing to do is eat. sure there are beaches but really not much to do AT the beaches if you can't have any surf boards right at hand.

so i've had this cold since getting wasted last saturday. which really sucks. the show on wedensday really blew on my part because once again i was lossing my voice. my right ear has yet to pop from the plane. and i don't like Zoo's. but i did find out that i CAN get calls. and i can make them too! which makes life essier. gives me something more to look forward to :a call from a friend.

i can't belive that for so long i wanted to run away to this place. now taht i have my tan and i've gottne my feet wet and that my day with Mary has been canceled to much of our dismay i'm really ready to go home. I want to go back to work. i don't think i've been workin hard enough as of late. i'm so afraid not to be doing enough work or something and that they might not need me anymore. i love my job and i DON'T want to lose it!

one good thing about california: vegitarian alternatives to everything and rycycling bins EVERYWHERE. and lots of people that care about the wild life. IE: today at La Jolla (pronouced la-hoy-ya) there are TONES of seals that beach there all of the time and they will come up and swim next to you and what not. well they swim all day but when the sun starts to set they want to come back on the beac for the night. well tourists think it is so cool that they are coming on the beach and they want to get as close as they can to the seals. so these nice ladies come on the beach and ask all the people to just step away from the water and let the seals come on shore. and they pass around good professional photos of the seals so that everyone gets to leave with a little bit of the seals with them. it was just a neat experience.

so wow this is too long sorry. well i'm off.

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[22 Jun 2005|11:56pm]
off to cali! bye!

no one call my phone please
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"fuck you bob" "he's the perfect houswife" [22 Jun 2005|12:20am]
i went skatting tonight. or rather Brian did. i think taht was one of the funnest things i've done in a long time. to see him flyiong by laughing. and when he woudl fall how i'd run up to him like it was some great triumph. geez i love that kid.

so california in a few days! score. by this time thursday i will be on the beach with julia surfing in the FREEZING surf.

got backpack for school. got apartment lease to pick up tomorrow. got boxes to pack!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH need boxes! got a hopt guy waiting in a kitchen right now who is in need of some bothering. god he is goping to hate me by the end of this week.
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five shots of vodka, two killians, and the majority of B's Guinness [19 Jun 2005|09:08am]
so yeh Brian's house last night. for all you fuckers that didn't come personally i had a hell of a good time. almost too much fun.

and i swear that you will probably never see me like that ever again.

so i met gay Joe finally and i saw him without a hat. I think he thought i was a retard or something. but i was just very happy and just enjoying everything right about that point.

david and chelsea kept running away to the kitchen. which made me sad because i couldn't find her everytime i turned around.

i couldn't feel my lips.

over parts of the night honestly i don't rember.

but i do remeber stelly illustrating the hoppyness of the party what with the yearbook reading and all. and i remeber that i love the backseat of chelsea's car.

and now i have to go to work. which isn't a bad thing really. because i feel wonderful this morning still proving that i am the master!
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[16 Jun 2005|09:15am]
guess what time i found myself awake and unable to fall asleep again?


oh so mad! and i've been wanting donuts for 4 hours and just got the nerve to jump on joe's bed and make him wake up to come with me!

he then threw a pillow at me
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i wish i ddn't have to speak [14 Jun 2005|12:52am]
will i ever get out of here?

so apparently to my mother: i am a cold mean person who is driving away all her old friends and that is why i had so much trouble finding a roomate.

where as the real reason is that i'm 17 and all of myfriends are 17 meaning that they have yet to graduate from highschool. and the ones that graduated already graduated YEARS ago or they can't afford an apartment that i need or the one that i want. honestly if i had my way i would move in with Ashley, a person who may i add WANTS to live with me! but hoinestly, i don't think there exsists a two bedroom apartment RIGHT NEXT TO the University that costs around 200$ a person. i'm so frustrated. i honestly don't want to have to move out. no i have to. i have to get away from these horrible people breathing down my neck ALL OF THE TIME. they are like a clinggy boyfriend or friend they are always "worried" or "hurt" oh it aggrivates the FUCK OUT OF ME! i just want a place where i can chill the fuck out. where i can just go and live by myself and just chill out anytime i want. and have a roomate that will stay ut of my way, never say anything, and just be all cool and stuff to chill out with. never "worry" about me or ask questions about some guy i bring home or where i've been, or where i am sleeping, just staying out of my life and sharring the space.

they make me want to SCREAM!

on another sudject: the WN show was awesome everything about it, dancing, the crazy germans and their demoCRAZY. oh man it just made me want to curl up and sleep for days after. instead i went home at 4AM and couldn't get right to sleep cause every time i would just get to falling asleep something would russle and yeh... it sounded like there was a roach RIGHT NEXT TO MY HEAD! so i'd flip out and then flip all the pillows and slowly go to sleep afterwards. then the sound would happen AGAIN. so i then figured out...it is the tag on my pillow that i scarring the FUCK out of me. needless to say i felt stupid and robed of good sleep.

working on a song bout carnies... should be good...or not.

picture time now because this makes me smile
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
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